Accidents will happen

We got a call from the doctor’s office at about 2:30PM yesterday asking if we were thinking about showing up at the hospital anytime soon. They said the doctor was waiting. Oh, really? Well we’ve been waiting since 9 o’clock this morning for you to call us and tell us just which hospital we’re supposed to be checking into and when. No apologies, of course, just orders to get to the hospital ASAP.

We got Renee settled in to room 629 at Baptist East a little after 4:00. It’s a lovely corner penthouse suite with views of Bowling Boulevard. They did all the routine quizzes about medications and why are you here. The set up an IV line and drew blood. The blood nurse said “Oh I just missed the IV Nurse? Too bad I could have saved you from being stuck twice.” Why the heck can’t hospitals coordinate this stuff better? It’s no secret that if you’re sticking an IV in someone that you’ll most likely need to have blood drawn.

A couple of minutes later they showed up with dinner, a tray full of broccoli and other harsh on the stomach vegetables and what may have been chicken breast. One, she’s on a soft GI diet; two, she can’t have dinner she going for a CT Scan soon and they want her stomach empty for it. What a waste.
Shortly after, they hooked up three different antibiotics to the IV tube. At about 5:45 they brought in two quarts of barium. The nurse that dropped them off said that the results of the scan won’t be viewed by the doctors until morning. There was nothing more that I could do here so after a while I headed out and picked Cassidy up from the next door neighbors.

This morning I got to the hospital a little before nine. Surprisingly the doctor had not yet been in. The surgeon came in a few minutes later and told us the result of the scan and the options available. One was to open Renee back up at the incision and drain the infection that they identified and scrub all the areas around it. Or two, was to place Renee back into the CT Scanner and use it to pinpoint the abscess. The Radiologist would then insert a needle into the abscess and drain the pus. They would then insert a small tube in order for any remaining infection to drain out. He said right now that it would be better to go for option two. We agreed. Good, he said. He then said they wanted to do it today and hopefully get started within the hour.

Shortly following Cantor Lipp came for a visit bearing gifts from the congregation. So here I am the Catholic boy sitting with the Cantor on Christmas Eve. Renee starts pining about how she’s screwing up the holidays and the Cantor jokes that she must be feeling like the Grinch. And sarcastically adding that he’s sure she did all this on purpose to mess everything up. I, of course took it a step further by saying that while they’re doing all the x-rays maybe they can find your heart. The Cantor groaned, Renee bristled and the nurse who was standing over Renee couldn’t stifle her laugh. Too harsh? Nah, we all needed a laugh.

The nurse was there to administer Demerol preceding the drain insertion. Renee said, “Whew, what was that? It went straight to my head.” A few minutes later the nurse brought in a hospital gown, Renee was in her pajamas, and told her to change. Well the Demerol must have been working extremely well because Renee nearly stripped in front of the Cantor before I sprung up and stopped her. I’m not sure that she didn’t flash him.

So here’s another totally inappropriate snippet to commemorate the occasion:
To the tune of Elvis Costello’s Accidents Will Happen:

Accidental nipple, it was not a flirt
She was quite embarrassed when
It fell out of her shirt
Accidental nipple so perky and upright
I thought I wasn’t hungry but
I could go for a
I could go for a
I could go for a … bite

Surprisingly the Cantor returned after Renee got changed. He gave Renee an AJ blanket and a planter of pens made into flowers. Very nice, Thank you. But he's probably thinking that the appropriate gift would have been Bourbon Street beads.

They took Renee at about 10:30 for the procedure. She returned a little after 1:00PM with a contraption that looks like the pump to a blood pressure sleeve hanging off of her side. She’s got to stay in for monitoring now for at least a couple of days. Gotta go. Tune in tomorrow for a special Christmas message.