A day at the races

No, it wasn't a Marx Brothers movie, although I thought I saw Dr. Quackenbush. What we were doing is racing around from station to station today for five and a half hours.

At the Cleveland Clinic each check-in desk is given a letter and a number. We were playing hospital bingo. Desk A10 for labs, A31 for consultations, A13 for EKG, you get the picture.

At the first stop, Renee raved about the nurse who took her blood. She was smiling and laughing when she came back out to the waiting room. She's a hard stick and usually it takes numerous tries in her arm and hand before they can draw what they need. But not today, first poke, done and out of there. It was the only time we were on time the whole day.

Second station was where they give you your surgery booklet. It has all that great information you should have had before you get to the hospital. Then they ask why you didn't know about this stuff ahead of time.

The meeting with the surgeon was supposed to be at 1PM but he was running late so they sent the Stoma Nurse in. She tells you about how great you're going to feel after the operation. She goes through her whole spiel about life with the bag. She is also the one who took a Sharpie marker and drew a big black X on Renee's abdomen where the bag will be attached. This is where the surgeon is supposed to make the hole. So tomorrow I guess he puts on his pirate costume and starts digging at the X. Let's hope he hasn't had too much rum.

The surgeon came in almost an hour and a half late and in his best bedside manner starts throwing out worst case scenarios. He is preparing us for the fact that this may be a three stage operation. Right now the hope is for two surgeries. One to remove the colon, install the external bag and build the J-pouch and one a few months from now to disconnect the external bag and connect the J-pouch. A third surgery may be needed if the J-pouch cannot be built at this time. The severity of the current inflammation in the colon and rectum will be the deciding factors. It was the same speech we received in July but a lot less tactful.

If the inflammation is too great they will not build the interior pouch because the chance of failure. Essentially the pouch will not be able to heal correctly. It all comes down to Renee's swollen colon. He won't know until he goes in and takes a look around. Swollen Colon, that's what I should have named the blog. Or, its a great name for a band. Appearing tonight, Swollen Colon.

Following this uplifting experience we were sent to see an internist to see if Renee was healthy enough to have surgery. Apparently, they're not letting any sick people in for surgery anymore. I think the insurance companies have put a stop to it. Somehow Renee passed the test.

We were then shepherded to see the the anesthesiologist. She was at least the fifth person of the day that was very concerned that Renee had taken a multi-vitamin this morning. We didn't get the memo not to. Oh, that's right, it was in the material that you gave us today that we were supposed to read yesterday.

After Renee had been completely poked, prodded and quizzed, we were finally sent to the pharmacy to pick up a gallon jug of some concoction that Renee must drink this evening. It is a colon rinse. How sadistic is this? You have someone who has been telling you all day long that she goes to the bathroom over twenty times a day and you give her medicine that is going to make her go more. It's cruel and unusual punishment. I won't go into it too far but let's just say she isn't taking it well and neither is her bottom.

Major milestone: Today I became privvy to one of the most heavily guarded secrets on the planet, a woman's weight. Previous to this CIA interrogators couldn't have ripped it out of her. She must be ill.

Tomorrow at 9:45AM I will check Renee in at the surgery compound. At about 11:30AM they will begin the operation which should last at least 4 hours.

Good Night