Office supplies

Times are tough, the expensive stuff is easy to get but it seems everyone has trouble with stocking the basics.

Yesterday we visited Renee’s gastroenterologist here in Louisville. On Sunday, the home care nurse called and set it up for us. Renee’s got incision drainage, swelled feet, throbbing in the gut and a pain in the ass that surprisingly isn’t me this time. The on-call physician, after being told of the symptoms, said come on in on Monday. On Monday, the office called and said we can’t squeeze you in. How’s Tuesday? Great, I got one extra day of changing wound dressings every three hours. A nursemaid’s job is never done.

Upon check in, we were, of course, handed the clipboard for the mandatory redundant paperwork. Yes it’s the same insurance, Why are you here today? Because the doctor who works here said to come. Check off all of the exotic diseases you contracted since the last time you were here. Any surgeries? Well yes, that’s why we’re here. Are you allergic to anything? Yes, doctor’s office questionnaires.

We turned in the completed forms along with a list of medications and were shown to the examining room. We laid out the problems for the nurse and said that we think the staples need to come out also. We got a real quizzical look on this one.

The doctor came in and we went over everything that happened in Cleveland. This is the doctor I mentioned in one of the earliest posts. Renee’s really comfortable with him and so am I. He’s got a good attitude and is easy to talk to. He explains things in plain English and has a sense of humor. He told Renee that she’ll be hurting for a while and categorized her hospital complications resulting in the insertion of the NG tube as minor. Doctors have such a different perspective than the rest of us. He wasn’t too concerned about the ooze from the wound but prescribed antibiotics just in case of infection.

Again the staple question came up and the doctor said, “I’m not a surgeon.” He reminded me of Bones from Star Trek, “Dammit, Jim. I’m a doctor not a surgeon.” But he did say that at least some of them should come out. They did some digging around the office but couldn’t find a medical staple remover. I asked, “Is this really a doctor’s office?” You could tell he just wasn’t equipped for this task. Most people return to the surgeon’s office for this but that’s a little off the beaten path so we needed someone local. We never thought for a minute that we needed a specialist. I wonder if I started training for that now if I could be good enough to do it full time after I retire. I’m looking for a promotion from nursemaid already – Bob, Certified Staple Remover Specialist.

At this point , Renee was asking if she should go the Emergency Room as the chance of getting this simple procedure completed here was quickly diminishing. The doc said, you don’t want to do that. You’ll be there for six hours waiting and then they’ll run a battery of tests before they even acknowledge that you have staples. He was determined to figure this one out.

The doc popped out for a few minutes and came back with the proper tool. He borrowed it from the surgeon’s office down the hall. I asked Renee, “How much is that going to cost you?” The doc just grumbled. Now both Renee and I are wondering if he knows how to use it. Face it doc, you didn’t give us a whole lot of confidence. But he pulled half of the staples without too much trouble. He left the rest for the home health care nurse and wrote a prescription for it to be done.

He wrote us down for a couple of other prescriptions to help ease Renee’s torture and told her to return in two weeks. He said he wants to monitor her pretty closely which was reassuring considering the surgeon is 350 miles away. We yucked it up for a few more minutes and he sent us on our way after some more bloodletting into a test tube.

At least now I think I know what to get a certain doctor for Christmas, I’m mailing him a coupon to Staples.