Cirque de Renee

The Cirque de Renee is in town for an extended engagement. She’s added a new feature called the Carousel of Calamity. The critics have given it four stars and at least one has labeled it “eye popping.”

Round and round Renee goes from doctor to doctor performing feats of daring. We watch as she wreaks havoc on the allergist’s office. We’re amazed as she befuddles the family practitioner. We’re dazzled as she confounds the ophthalmologist. All I know is I’ve got to raise ticket prices. This is some high quality entertainment and the prices should reflect the same.

Renee’s eye problems did not go away with the eye drops prescribed by the family practitioner last week. In fact, they continued to get worse. She heard of similar problems some people were having and attributed it to allergies. She made an appointment for Wednesday with the allergy doctor. Remember him? He was the one who wasn’t in when Renee had her systemic reaction to her shots, the last exercise in eye-bulging. Well, Renee woke up on Wednesday morning with both eyes swollen, red, stinging and so sensitive to light that she needed her sunglasses on in the house.

I took the carpool duties again, high-tailed it to work and took the afternoon off to play medical transport technician. I heard Worthington Fire & Rescue wants to make me an honorary ambulance driver. I just have to watch my stopping. I don’t want to get rear-ended by a lawyer.

After close to an hour at the allergist, Renee emerged and said she needs to make an appointment with the eye doctor and to tell them it’s an emergency. This doctor thinks that it is probably allergies but he’s punting it to someone else.

The appointment is set and we trek downtown to the ophthalmologist’s office. It turns out Renee’s got a recurrence of an inflammation she had years ago. It’s called Anterior Uveitis. She’s got a prescription for liquid steroids that are dropped into the eyes once every two hours. Now, Renee keeps saying “drop me” and when I reply, “stay where you are or I’ll drop you where you stand,” she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. The only western she’s ever watched is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. (Hey Renee, they die at the end!) She really needs to broaden her western horizons.

Renee’s eyes are now all jacked up on steroids. It’s a good thing she doesn’t play major league baseball, her career would be over. She has switched back to clear glasses so she’s making some light progress.

The month of eye popping drama in these parts continues. I think we’re on round five counting Polly. Maybe Renee’s just trying to keep herself in hospital shape. She’s built up this tolerance for the medical visits and this is just part of her training regime for the next big fight in June. I got tapped to be her sparring partner but they forgot to issue me the protective head gear. At least I’ve landed a few jabs with this blog by playing the part of the clown.

I can’t wait to see what kind of circus acts that March brings.