Stopping Traffic

Family health is not just doctor visits it is dependent on many factors that are both within and outside of our control. Even things that happen to people you don’t know can have an impact that sends ripples through your core. Seemingly unconnected circumstances can have immeasurable effects on your own well being.

The news has not been good of late for those who serve and protect. Last month, two Jeffersonville, IN police officers shot in an ambush. This weekend, four Oakland, CA police officers killed following a traffic stop.

When these tragic incidents occur the word hero is often used to describe the officers. This is a term that has now become so overused that it is losing its potency. I prefer older terminology, words like valiant and gallant. To steal a Van Morrison phrase, "knights in armor intent on chivalry." These are not superhuman characters, just plain folks with good intentions whose choice of career has thrust them into situations of serious personal consequence. These are men and women who chose a noble profession that no longer commands the respect it deserves.

These are our neighbors and friends. Their kids go to school with our kids. They bear the load others dare not carry. These are normal everyday people that rise to the occasion so often that their merits get overlooked. Only sometimes they fall, and when they fall we fall. Their family health is our family health.

Today, our family is not feeling too well.

The following had many inspirations but one that weighed heavily was reports of an incident involving a Dallas Police Officer who was shot during the execution of a search warrant on October 17, 2007. His wife is also a police officer. He survived but is still recovering from massive injuries. Sometimes the best we can do is to pray that each officer returns home safely from their shift.

Highway Stop (Prayer of the wife)
By Bob Masterson © Old Paint Music 2008

Twenty-nine years a gun on his hip,
Approaches the car hand on the grip.
His radar’s buzzing,
Something’s not right.
God, let him come home tonight.

Calls in for back-up, just in case.
Closest help is still back at base.
Strobes are flashing,
Truck whizzes by.
God, let him come home tonight.

He’s seen it all as a Highway Cop,
And there’s never a routine traffic stop.
Adrenaline’s pumping,
Driver drops out of sight.
God, let him come home tonight.

His body tenses. “SHOW ME THE HANDS!”
Door flies open, ignores the command.
Ducking for cover,
Metal catches the light.
God, let him come home tonight.

It’s a split second call, survival instinct.
He’s screaming “DROP IT,” no time to think.
Bang, bang! Bang, bang!
The bullets they fly.
God, let him come home tonight.

It’s been his life, he’s always been true
To the job, family, brothers in blue;
Emergency workers
Now at his side.
God, let him come home tonight.

Most of the public just can’t understand
How honor and duty possesses a man.
His life on the line
To protect what’s right.
God, let him come home tonight.

Doorbell breaks the silence, just doesn’t make sense.
Twenty-nine years she’s endured the suspense.
Through tears she’s crying
The prayer of the wife,
God, let him come home tonight.
Oh God, let him come home tonight.
Oh God, please let him come home tonight!

Equinoxity

With the Spring Equinox today shouldn’t all things be even? Things seem just a little out of balance this year. Maybe it’s because the remnants of the ice storm are still laying at the curb. Maybe it’s the recession and all of this throwing good money after bad that has the whole country tilting. Maybe it’s the slowly getting back to normal after the year of chaos. Maybe its Cassidy’s report card that was so good again for the third straight quarter that I feel something’s got to be off kilter. Or have I become so numb to the barrage of bad news that I’ve forgotten how to handle the good?

Oh, enough psycho-analyzing!

My child got straight A’s. Whoohoo!

I’m not ready to put a bumper sticker on the car over it but it is really good news.

Now back to Spring. This is the season where all the animals shed their winter coat. Our non-shedding (per the advertisement) dog, is shedding like crazy. In fact, she sheds all year long. I catch a lot of grief over this from Renee. The girls wanted a dog, so I got a dog. They were imagining a fluffy lap dog that walks itself. You know, one of those things that looks like it belongs on the end of a long stick. Not one that creates a mess you have to clean up with one of those stick thingees. Is it a dog or a mop? I’m not sure but it does get the dust out of the corners pretty well. But for once I won out and “we” settled on a dog of substance, as long as it doesn’t shed. Oops!

But this season the beige dog is shedding dark brown locks that look suspiciously like Renee’s. The dog doesn’t go in our bathroom but hair’s dropping there. The dog doesn’t climb up on our sink but hair’s dropping there. I’m starting to think it’s not the dog’s.

What does all this mean? Besides another trip to the doctor, who knows? Renee’s always had a pretty hardy head of hair - just look at the picture to the right - so we’re a little concerned. They say that surgery can shock the body and cause hair loss but it’s been over three months. Perhaps it is a residual effect of the cocktail of prescription medication Renee’s been on for the last year and a half? Perhaps it is genetics catching up to her? Perhaps it is a side effect of the massive allergic reaction from last month? Or maybe even something to do with the steroid laced eyedrops she’s been taking for the last few weeks. We don’t know but she had blood drawn Wednesday, so now we get to play another waiting game to see if the doctor has any better clues.

A new season, a fresh start, we’re hoping for a good report card for Renee this time. Anything else could throw things further out of balance.

Ailing

Renee hit the wall on Sunday so it was off to the prompt care center to see the doctor. The fever was still there and the aches and she said her throat was on fire. It has been a couple of weeks since we’ve roused the medical community here so it was due. You’ve got to keep these doctors on their toes. You don’t want them to get all complacent and start to think that Renee’s turning into a healthy specimen. It could screw up all of their economic projections for the year. No fear, Renee is keeping them recession proof. They found nothing of major concern but sent some cultures to the lab just to keep those good folks working too.

It looks like Renee will be in good enough shape to do some St. Patrick’s Day celebrating. I’ve got some medical advice for her which I’m hiding in a pub tune since she never seems to take my counsel outright. This is good advice for you also, so call in sick tomorrow, - you’re looking a little green - and meet me where’ere they’ll be bagpipes and Step Dancers and Irish tunes. We’ll all get better together.

Ale For What Ails You
By Bob Masterson © Old Paint Music

I know there’s bound to be a cure for what ails you
Sometimes the cure can be worse than the disease
So take your medication if you so please
But beer’s always been the potion for me

And I say ….

Take an ale for what cures you
Take an ale for what makes you sick
You’re bound to feel better
Why it just might do the trick
And I say ale for the ailing
And ale for the well
Take an ale for what ails you
‘Cause it’s ale that makes us well
Yes, it’s ale that makes us well

Modern science is always a marvel
Cures cancer with chemotherapy
But if going to be sick to my stomach
May I have something worth throwing up please

And I say ….

Take an ale for what cures you
Take an ale for what makes you sick
You’re bound to feel better
Why it just might do the trick
And I say ale for the ailing
And ale for the well
Take an ale for what ails you
‘Cause it’s ale that makes us well
Yes, it’s ale that makes us well

(Repeat until beer is gone)

Ales well that ends well!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Other Stuff

It’s tournament time in Kentucky. This is a phenomenon that is only surpassed by Derby fever in these parts. There are only two seasons here, college basketball and Kentucky Derby. The rest of the year is dedicated to talking about, preparing for and recovering from these events. I believe true fanaticism was born here and the fervor of the worldwide soccer hooligans has got nothing on Kentucky basketball mania. Getting between a University of Kentucky Wildcat fan and a University of Louisville Cardinal fan while they are discussing basketball is like running with the bulls in Pamplona. You better get the heck out of the way because it’s just a matter of time until someone gets gored.

So what’s this got to do with our health issues? Well, not a heck of a lot except that to stay healthy in this vicinity you’ve got to know who’s red and who’s blue so you don’t end up black and blue. I mean they take this stuff SERIOUSLY!

On the homefront here, Renee’s come down with the pre-school ick that’s making the rounds. She was going strong there for a couple of weeks and now the aches and fever have got her. These things always seem to hit on the weekends.

I headed out to watch the U of L game last night and Cassidy volunteered to give herself her growth hormone shot. I’ve told her that I want her giving it to herself by her birthday in June. Slowly she is warming to the idea. But yesterday was a breakthrough. Of course Renee ended up doing it but at least the thought is there and we’ve got something to work with.

On the Jersey front, Renee’s grandmother had to take a trip to the hospital this week and now has been admitted to a Nursing home. This has been a long hard road with many a sacrifice for Renee’s Mom and Dad. They have been thrust into the juxtaposition of children caring for the parent. “Other Nana,” as Cassidy calls her, just turned 92. She has also had a rough year medically. Other is also one tough broad, so we know where Renee gets it from. Still, this is extremely rough and our hearts are with you all.

Here’s a photo of Cassidy and Other from a couple of months ago.



These are the times when the distance between NJ and KY harshly reminds us of how far we are from everyone back home.

Does it come in paperback?

“Hello old friend, it’s really good to see you once again.” – Eric Clapton

This has been a mild week medically speaking. I’m hoping that things remain this way for a while. I’m going off topic, sort of. This blog is for friends and family so I don’t think its too much of a reach.

Renee and I both signed up with facebook a couple of weeks back, neither one of us knowing what to expect. I still have no idea what to expect or what I’m doing. We get strange requests to join groups and causes, we get flaired and graffitied, we get tagged with photos that aren’t really photos. I’m clueless to this part of the program. But ….both of us have reconnected with some long ago friends that neither one of us is sure how or why we disconnected.

We all have our own social networks, the beer buddies, the work pals, the kids sports clubs but, as they say on Seinfeld, on facebook all of your worlds collide. Is this a good thing to show off your spiderweb of associations, or lack thereof, with everyone? Are we shaking the fault line when we start chatting up that first flame that we sent to ashes decades ago? Are those parts of our memories worth jogging or should we leave them buried at the bottom of the closet like that worn out pair of running shoes? And why haven’t you thrown out those shoes?

Finding these old friends is just like coming across those old shoes when you’re cleaning out your closet. You pick them up, you look them over, the stitching is loose, the laces frayed, the soles thin. Yes, you even give them a whiff. EE-yew! That’s pretty raunchy. But surprisingly, you are not repulsed. And for a moment they bring you back to that time when you could run, when you could glide across the pavement, when your greatest care was just finishing one short race. OK, so yours maybe earth shoes and you were just walking the dog. Still, there’s the facebook answer!

I’m proud of those old shoes. I’m not throwing them away. I’m not even going to toss them back in the closet. I’m tacking them up on the wall. I’m going to show them off – uh, a little airing out and baking soda first, please. I put in the miles. I earned that friend.

So here’s something new for all of our friends. I make no apologies for going all Hallmark on you.

Old Friends
By Bob Masterson © Old Paint Music

Memory can fool you
blocks recall of the past
But old friends they refresh you
Light the shadow that was cast

You wonder how you carried
All that baggage for so long
Trunk full of remembrance
Pushed it uphill like a stone
Fragile as an heirloom
That dust has settled on
Companion of your travels
Though you thought you were alone
Then simple re-acquaintance
Fills your air starved lungs
And old friends bring you back
Right where you belong

Old friends who said they loved you
Back when love was young
Old friends who hold your secrets
They won’t tell to anyone
Old friends that now are new friends
Since you lost touch for so long
Old friends you hold as dear as
Your favorite old love song

You go where life will take you
Sometimes it’s far from home
Then old friends bring you back
Right where you belong


And I'm not kidding, good buddies.


Be warned, old friends, you may be my next piece of wall art.

Glad Tidings

“It feels so good feeling good again!” - Robert Earl Keen

It’s been a banner week so far. Renee returned to the eye doctor on Monday and her inflammation is almost completely cleared up. She’s got to be weaned off of the steroids drops. Don’t ask me why, it’s just one of those things the doctor ordered. I don’t see how all the ball players just quit cold turkey after their “cousins” injected them with steroids for years. Maybe it affects your memory if you stop them abruptly and that’s why none of them can remember that they were juiced up for all that time. Yo, Alex, Roger, Barry, I’m available for consult if you need me.

So you say, Renee’s eyes are getting better? Well, that’s no cause for celebration. Well, maybe not on its own, but there is more. This family has joined the Wii Generation.

On Valentine’s Day, Renee and I attended a Wii Swapping Party and had a blast. I got to take out my high school sports frustrations on a neighbor who is also a local football coach. He is twice my size, so I knocked him out twice on the boxing program. (Hey Greg, it wasn’t you I was slugging but that lunatic coach from high school who wore shorts and a t-shirt to the sub-zero Thanksgiving Day games and tortured the non-jocks during gym class.) Renee had the highest single jump score on the ski jump and I had the best aggregate. We were hooked.

Sunday we pooled our holiday gift funds from generous relatives and bought a console. Already Cassidy has shaved 30 years off of her fitness age. Renee unfortunately is at a Wii fitness age that the actuaries would have a problem approving insurance for. This is all on the basic set up. We’re hoping to soon add a Wii Fit board to the mix to expand our workouts.

Do they make a Wii Fit for dogs? I think we need to get Polly involved. There should be a dog bone controller and a collar adapter. There could be a whole series of Air Bud games. For advanced pups there could be a tree stump controller with a treat dispenser on the top – point deductions for peeing on the controller. And maybe a dog fight game so Polly can learn how to defend herself better from lightning attacks by passive/aggressive sharp toothed canines.

So you say, Renee’s eyes are improving and now we’re into family Wii workouts, could there be more? Yes, grasshopper! It is only part-time for now but Renee has resumed her duties at the pre-school. She’s back to work!

It’s been three months from the day of Renee’s surgery. She’s been through “normal” post-op recovery, narcoleptic bowels, hiccups and thorazine, home care, bag training and eruptions, infection, re-hospitalization, nuclear intrusion, re-recovery, allergic reaction, eye explosions and Wii whoopings. What the heck took her so long to get back to work? Slacker!

The kids were excited and there were home-made signs and special welcome back cookies. (FOOD POLICE NOTICE - Hey ladies, Renee’s on a strict diet. Stop tempting her with sweets.) By tomorrow, the whole school will have forgotten that Renee was out. But today we celebrate!

Let’s have a toast to a return to normalcy, or, at least to the state of affairs enjoyed previous to Renee’s bout with that ugly parasite UC. Only a short three months until the next operation so try to sober up by then.

Bob Time

After reading my most recent post, Renee asked me why I don’t write about myself on this here blog. “How come there’s nothing about you?” Good question! I do remark about some of the chores related to taking care of my three medical mysteries with whom I share a home, but purposefully shy away from blatant self-propaganda. It’s just not right for the reporter to insert himself into the story. It’s not about me. OK, just this one time.

I made the paper the other day. It was the online version, but still it was news – sort of. A picture is worth a thousand words and these days it needs to be because newspapers don’t include stories to go with photos anymore. Below’s my mug taken at a local Hootenanny. A hootenanny is a huge sing-along and jam session. And yes, it’s a hoot! And so is the picture. It only took close to a half-century for my glimpse at fame. I think I’ve still got 14.9 minutes left on that clock.



This also calls for a song, don’t you think? Since the picture was published a day after my birthday, and it is one of those almost milestone years, I offer the following. No it's not about me. I'm planning on living until at least 130 so I'm decades away from a midlife crisis.

Old And In The Way
By Bob Masterson © Old Paint Music

Middle aged middle man just passing the torch
Stuck between that rock and a hard place
Where the seniors think you’re young and foolish
Immature and amateurish
And the kids they treat you like you’re
Old and in the way

So you buy yourself a soft top
Change the station to hip hop
Cover your bald spot with a dollar store ball cap and
Hide your eyes with two hundred dollar shades
Now the seniors think you’ve flipped your lid
Even you can’t believe what you just did
And the kids still treat you like you’re
Old and in the way

Old and in the way, old and in the way
Middle age hysteria has got you feeling
Old and in the way

Your waistline’s on a mission
To stick you with the family tradition
Of carrying that beach ball gut around.
So you sign up with a trainer, put him on retainer
And subscribe to daily torture sessions
With a muscle head who hasn’t got a clue
Now the seniors know you’ve lost your mind
You wonder if it’s there to find
And the kids still treat you like you’re
Old and in the way

Your wife’s heading for the changes
You’re spreading cream upon your anus
To stop the itch and burn that comes with
Riding that damn desk.
You start to golf each weekend
And vote in every election
Do your civic duty by giving blood every 56 days
Now the seniors they accept you
They see you’ve paid your dues. But face it,
the kids’ll always treat you like you’re
Old and in the way

Old and in the way, old and in the way
Middle age hysteria has got you feeling
Old and in the way

Old and in the way
Caught up in the rut of day to day
Old and in the way
Youth’s wasted on the young they say
Old and in the way
You’re only half done, it’ll all be OK
Old and in the way
Heck, we’re all gonna die someday
But that middle age hysteria has got you feeling
Old and in the way

That's all you get about me. Next time we return to our regular programming.