She Huffed, and She Puffed, and She …

Renee is back to Recovery - Day One. I should have entered her in the Tour de France. She is a vicious cycler.

I’m glad Renee is home but I’m still not sure what caused the about face in the doctor’s position. I’m also not sure if the releasing doctor, that’s the doctor who represents our family doctor at the hospital, consulted with Renee’s GI doctor. Apparently, Renee had worn out her welcome at Park Tower BEast, perhaps she wasn’t tipping the staff well enough. You would think that she earned extra rewards points for being in the holding cell for four days.

Saturday afternoon about 3:00PM they re-hooked the IV for fluids. There had been no reduction in output. It was increasing. They unhooked the IV later that night. (Why does re-hooked need a hyphen and unhooked not? I love the English language.) Renee had a nice long chat with her gastro doc on Friday. He gave every indication that he wanted her to stay put until they figured out the output problem. Yet Renee’s been home a day now and we have no answer and no slow down.

Renee was able to sleep last night. I decided not to get up every hour and poke her with a sharp object like her hospital nurses would have done. I must be getting soft.

The visiting nurse came today, no, not Huffnpuff. We fired her. She watched Renee go downhill all week. She should have recognized the dehydration on Saturday. She only called Monday and did not mention dehydration to Renee. It was only brought up on Tuesday when she called. When we had a similar occurrence in December, not only did the nurse spot the downhill slide, she called the doctor and the hospital to arrange a room for when we got there. There was no Emergency Room visit. Renee could have had the luxury suite all week. Thanks, Huff.

There was another Huffnpuff incident that Renee did not share with me until she was back in the hospital. I was out running errands during the nurse’s visit on Saturday. Huff helped Renee get a fresh bag on. Not that kind of bag, this is much more intimate than a bartender and patron relationship. I think I’ve covered this before but, in order to get a tight seal there are powders and sprays used to treat the sight. The area needs to dry before applying the paste and bag. Nurses use various personal techniques to achieve dryness quickly before an eruption happens and causes a repeat of the cleansing process. Some use a paper fan, some fan it with a towel, you get the idea. Nurse Huffnpuff, you remember her, the one who I nearly had to call an ambulance for since she was breathing so heavy after climbing one flight of stairs. Well, this fine specimen of a trained caregiver bent down over Renee’s pelvic region and huffed and puffed on Renee’s stoma. Renee froze, she didn’t know what to do. Holy Florence Nightingale, Batman! She ain't just whistlin' Dixie!

Renee was too scared to relate this story to me immediately. She thought I was going to freak out. She said she doesn’t know what I would have done if I was there. I told Renee, I’m pretty sure I would not have freaked. I think I would have calmly walked over to the same side of the bed, dropped my drawers and said, “me next.”

This is a family blog so I will go no further on that one. But, oh boy, do I know how to pick a nickname!

And, oh boy, did I have Renee laughing hysterically in the hospital after she told me about this. I think she popped a few of her internal stitches. We followed this by making a laundry list of all the ridiculously unprofessional behavior of the staff in the CDU. It was the only time while she was in the "Clinical Depression Unit" that she was laughing. Who needs sitcoms? We've got the Renee show.

Today’s nurse was an ostomy specialist and came in and did what she needed to do and was gone. Boring! Maybe we should have kept Huffnpuff around for the entertainment value. Nah, if we kept her around any longer Renee may not be.