Anybody Got A Match?

Despite what some of you may believe I try to keep this blog pretty clean. It is very rare when I purposefully try to gross you out. This is not a pleasant subject, it is something that is more natural than just about anything else we do but still no one is real comfortable talking about it. Taking out the garbage at home is no big deal. But talking about human waste, ewe, I don’t want to hear it. Can we please change the subject? Uh, no. You can not realize what an important subject this is until your body says, I’m not doing it anymore.

I’m not going to go crazy here describing stool and consistencies and the like. But we do need to have a word about flatulence. So hold your noses and let’s get to it. Flatulence as you all know is the gas that is produced as a by-product of the digestive process. It can be expelled two ways via the mouth or via the … a …. other end. See I can’t even write it. Why don’t we go British for a few moments and call it a bum. Great now the bums are going to protest. They’ll probably hold one of those sit-ins in Central Park. I can see the headlines. Dumbass Offends Bums - Bums Park On Bums In Park.

For the last 10 months Renee has not been able to produce any flatulence. Oh, there was still the expulsion of gas into her colostomy bag but it’s not the same when you can’t just rip one off. Easy girls, you know you’ve all done it. And guys, you’ve done it with a lit match against your bum. Don’t deny it. Since the surgery Tuesday, Renee has had serious cramps. The doctor says it is due to the sewing up of the muscles and how they are trying to adjust to their new configuration. The muscles are just now figuring out how to work again. The whole system that points south has been dormant for a long time. It is jerking itself awake in fits and starts. It has been trapping the gas while it stretches and contracts. The gas didn’t know whether to move up or down so it just sat and increased the discomfort that came with the violent spasms. Then last night it started working its way out. Renee can fart again. Ahhh! What a relief!

Renee’s pain level immediately diminished. Her nausea has quieted. We can genuinely start thinking about discharge, maybe tomorrow if the re-introduction of food has no ill effects.

The moral of this story? Let her rip!