Censustivity

Do you count?

Once every ten years, according to our constitution, the great and good government is required to count every living human in the country, piece of cake, right? But, people keep on borning and dying on them, moving from one place to another and hiding behind the curtains. Others can’t be counted for a variety of reasons. So in the end, despite all the fancy databases they’ll just wing it. Also, the still great and good government can’t help itself from doing more than what is constitutionally required and getting distracted from just counting people, so they spend a cool billion plus sending out questionnaires and hiring door-to-door canvassers to get answers to rude questions.

For example: What color are you?

“Do you have light beige with speckles on there?”
“Nope, just black, white and other”
“Put me down for other.”
“I can’t do that, you are obviously white.”
“But I’m not white, I just told you I’m light beige with speckles. In the summer I turn red with speckles. Do you have that on the form?”
“Nope, just black, white and other.”
“Put me down for other.”
“You don’t qualify for other, you must be Asian or Native American or Eskimo or Hispanic to qualify for other.”
“But those aren’t colors, you asked me what color I am.”
“Well we don’t really want your color but where you’re from.”
“I’m from right here, so put me down for Native American.”
“But you must be from an Indian tribe to qualify for Native American.”
“I was born here so I am a Native American.”
“But you’re not Indian so you can’t be Native American.”
“So, to be Native American you have to be Indian.”
“Yes”
“I was born here and my whole tribe is here, put me down for Indian.”
“You don’t qualify for Indian, you have to be from India.”
“But you just said that Indians are Native Americans. If you can be two different things why can’t I be beige with speckles?”
“It’s not on my form, sir.”
“So you can’t be two things.”
“No, just black, white or other”
“OK, so I’m not black and I’m beige with speckles today and turn red with speckles in the summer so I can’t be white and now you say I’m not other, what am I?”
“Well, I don’t have any other choices on the form so you have to be one of the three.”
“Put me down for other”
“Sir, I told you, you don’t qualify for other.”
“Are you telling me what I am or asking me?”
“I’m asking, sir.”
“Well, I’m not black and obviously someone who’s beige with speckles can’t be white, so put me down for other.”
“I can’t do that sir beige with speckles is not on my form.”
“Write it in there.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“They told us only to color in the circles, other information won’t be counted.”
“But I thought the Census was all about counting.”
“It is, sir.”
“Then why don’t I count?”

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Back to the medical business:

I am happy to report that there is not much to report. Renee is scheduled for her surgery follow-up at the Cleveland Clinic in mid-April. She’s got a few lingering issues that need to be addressed but nothing at the panic level. She hasn’t got this whole back to eating thing worked out yet and so can’t pinpoint what triggers inflammation and what doesn’t. The doctor’s going to scold her for her cavalier attitude about what she ingests with blatant disregard for the consequences. That at least will be fun to watch. Maybe she’ll listen to him, she’s tuned me out a long time ago.

That’s it for now, while you’re waiting for the next update fill out those Census forms or better yet give them to me and I’ll fill them out for you. Let’s give this great and good government some information worth counting.