Tube Free

The NG tube is gone. Oh, I miss the sucker but Renee sure doesn’t. They were supposed to do this re-hook and measure output and follow a precise medical procedure but they just yanked it. No tube but it was still a rough night for Renee. Nausea and pain continued. She is still NPO, nothing by mouth. They want to ensure that she’s shaken the ileus before they put anything in her stomach.

She’s doing much better this morning and I’ve had her up and about roaming the halls. She’s got lots of grumbling coming from her abdomen. She said last night, “There’s a dance in my pants.” Maybe it’s the ghost of Michael Jackson. This is good but we need to make sure that it is not another false positive.

Since there has been no reintroduction of food, Friday is off the table for release. They are taking it slow and easy so they don’t cause another setback.

MK requested the Ballad of the Ileus, the nasty sleepy bowel syndrome which is holding Renee and I hostage here in Cleveland, so here’s my knee jerk response. I’ve cheated a bit, but only in the same vein as the pros. The following tune has a familiar melody. It has been passed down through the ages with different words by numerous messengers. It is a ballad that has been kept alive in pubs and carried news of war and strife. You may know it as the Irish rebellion tune Patriot Games or more recently tweaked a bit by Dire Straits as Brothers in Arms. There are still echoes of war in the melody but here they are more personal, the fight closer to home. I present to you:

The Ileus Song
By Bob Masterson

Well I’m not a poor man
But I’m also not rich
I’ve landed a good wife
Though she suffers hardship
Her health has been threadbare
Her misery long
She endures the quiet
Of the ileus song

There is not a horseman
To sound the alarm
What of the Greek man
Who said do no harm
My patience is stretched
My faith almost gone
As I witness the spate
Of the ileus song

Slumber is known to
Replenish the soul
But slumber it too
Can take its toll
When sleep grabs a hold of
A part of the loins
That succumbs to the lull
Of the ileus song

How to awaken
An organ so deep
That needed intrusion
To shock it to sleep
It counters all notions to
Prod it along
And reverse the ills
Of the ileus song

While my good wife slumbers
Viscera wakes
We welcome the rumble
Of wind as it breaks
Stir now my love
You’ve lumbered too long
Under the spell
of the ileus song

Time is our ally
A friend we know dear
It holds no compassion
For short-sighted fear
It bolsters resolve
From that which is wrong
And shutters our ears
To the ileus song